The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
