If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
