i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
