we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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