dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
