Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
