I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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