A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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