Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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