sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
