Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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