I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
