if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's blow job season.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
