Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
