I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
