So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
