We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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