i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
