how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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