I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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