I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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