My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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