I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
