What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
