Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize