You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
