can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
