i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
