I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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