I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
