I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
