Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
