Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
