epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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