I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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