hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
