awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
