can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
