he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize