I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
