I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
