I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just high enough for therapy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
