im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize