theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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