And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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