does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
