i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
