And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
