what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
