What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize
