So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
