I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
