i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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