Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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