I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
