I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
