After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
