Do you still have your period?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
