8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
