i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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