WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
