I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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