Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
