It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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