I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
