school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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