so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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